Ok... so the last thing I want to do is turn this blog into a gripe session. You've seen those senior citizens that sit and play bridge, or whatever it is that they play, circled around the card table, griping about aches and pains, groaning about high medicine costs, and constant doctor visits.... in between jabber-jawing about their children being too busy for them and what they can and can't eat anymore... oh, and the operations....ugh...
You SWEAR up and down that you are NEVER NEVER NEVER going to turn into one of "those"... constantly whining about all that you can't do anymore... crotchedy and miserable!
I was feeling that a little today at my neices' wedding. She had a lovely wedding, simple, and without the usual trappings that produce ten extra restroom visits for me: throwing the garter, assembling all the lovely single women (in my case - old maid) and the like.
I was sore as heck and feeling old... tempted to gripe about the accumulating list of body frustrations.
While it was really nice to see family - especially the ones that I don't see all that often, it was also a bittersweet time for me, too. For a myriad of reasons.
First and foremost, because I was engaged once, and that didn't pan out too well. I am not really into birkas as appearal - not for me. : (
Secondly, I never guessed that I would be sooooo "terminally single" at this age. You see, by a world standard, I don't have much of anything, and I am NOT AT ALL a success. If money is the gauge, I am below empty.
Thirdly, the man that I fell sooo much in love with decided that he would rather let fear rule his heart than risk love. Real gusty risk it all love.
Sooooo... as I sat there, today, missing my mom terribly- and knowing that she would be pleased as punch to share the day with Jenny, and us - it just hit me.
I watched nearly everyone there with their counterpart, and felt slightly out of place. You know that there are whispers. "You know, if she'd take off a couple of pounds, she might well be pretty." She's aging pretty well, not too many wrinkles, but she never really made something of herself." or my personal favorite: "She'd probably make a decent wife, but at THAT AGE, her chances are not too good."
If I base my life on that system, I am doomed! Thankfully, I understand that it's not my marital status, my financial status, or even my looks that determine my worth. Thank God...
It's not the car I drive, or the job I (don't) have. It's not the political views that I hold, or the amount of money that I make.
It's not my ability to pound the heck out of a bass guitar, or make a lucious batch of hot fudge!
Nor is it my ability to make others laugh. (I really love to inspire a 'holding your gut', belly laugh!) believe it or not, it's not even my heart to help the poor.
It's the fact that I am a child of the King, the Creator of all that is! He picked me before the world began and said. "Oh, yeah, I AM going to make a real piece of work!" lol...
He decided that I was going to have a lot of opportunities to shine His light into this sometimes pretty horrible dark world, and have the most fabulous relationship with Him.
So, while everyone around me is struggling with the growing older pains, I am winding down - getting excited about the homecoming... that portal, door, entrypoint, eternal dwelling, where there are no tears, fears, or cares... the streets really ARE paved with gold!
When I will rest in the Presence of One Who keeps always keeps me in His sight. Who guides my steps and sends angels to protect me. He can even answer prayers that don't even make my lips!
So, rather than growing old, I am growing closer... <3>