I am thinking again. Pondering. I have been formulating this blog for a while, but I think I am ready to try and make some sense of it.
Fear. It's something I have been personally battling for a long time... not just the "OHMYGOSHNOMORESCARYMOVIES" kind of fear, but the little things. subtle stuff.
Not to get on a wheel-o-regret, but there are a lot of things that I could have done, said or savored, but didn't because of fear.
I know what God says about fear - basically in a nutshell, "Don't - you don't need to." That is pretty amazing... pretty comforting... except for when you are toe to toe with it.
I am learning, however llllllooooooooonnnnnnnggggggg the process, that I will win, and fear will not. It's just a matter of walking it out.
Of learning to say "No, I am not agreeing with this crap, I don't have to cuddle it, embrace it, and make it part of me." Of plowing through, even when I think I want to retreat. It can be pretty often for me. But on the bright side? It's gotten better than it was.
There are people to bless and love, opportunities to blossom, lessons to learn, and so much more- one moment at a time, I can overcome. By the grace of God - His love in a cross shaped heart, and my ever-unfolding story, I can move forward.
I can't do an awful lot about the stuff I have missed... but I can do something about what is in front of me- today- and choose to press through it.
ps... did I ever tell you about the butterfly? It has to endure a pretty tough process to go from a caterpillar to a butterfly. The process is what strengthens it, and if someone came along and tried to "help"- to try and bypass the process, the butterfly wouldn't have enough strength to fly. It would perish. Pushing through the cocoon makes it strong.
No wonder I love butterflies <3>