During the past year I have gotten a full time job. What I didn't count on was the effect that that would have on my life in all facets creative.
After years of coping with part time work and part time pay, I do have to say, it's been wonderful being able to get out of critical debt.
It's been freeing to be able to pay bills, and enjoy a meal out.
But with that came the insane hours that would not allow me to keep playing my bass with others. In fact, they make most social activity nearly impossible.
As a young player, I would hear things over and over from older players: "Well, I had to feed my family and music just HAD to take a back seat." "Gotta pay the rent."
I could never understand how a creative out of the box type like me could succumb to such travesty. The painful lurch into "Mundania. I have had to make that same adjustment. It got so bad I even entertained the idea of selling my bass... there... I said it...
Time after time the comments from the "well meanings" are the same..
"Just be glad you have a job," or "at least you are working," aannnnnd my personal favorite...
"you are there for a reason" *facepalm*
Yes, I am...yes, I am... and yep...................... I am ...sigh
I can't speak for you all, but I know I seem to die a bit daily without the platform to make a joyful ruckus with that hunk of wood. I love the connections that music and all aspects of making it, afford. That in the zone jam where you are so "in tune" with each other. (insert religious note here: and the connection that happens in/through worship to God - off the charts! Ok, the "religious" talk is over; it's safe now) Carry on.
At first I would respond defensively, "You just don't get it. It's torture for me to loose my creative outlet. It's like losing my right arm."
Eventually, I just began to smile and nod with a sort of far away blank stare.
I am determined, one day at a time, to keep my mind from wandering to far into the "what ifs."
But just for today- I am keeping the options open, not giving up hope, and I am not going to set down roots in the Land of Eeyore... (who I just love, by the way)
Have a great day, and play hard! <><
Lori
